Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The difference between yesterday and today.

Yesterday I was supermom. Today I wish I wasn't a mom. And I bet for all you supermoms out there, that thought is appalling. But like it or not, there are some mothers out there that love their children immensly but the whole motherhood thing just doesn't complete them and unfortunatley, I'm one of them. And today I wish my children's belly buttons were pause buttons and that I could pretend for the day, that I'm not a mother and read a book and write a letter and go to the gym and workout and enjoy some peace and quiet in a clean house with only one bowl and fork in the sink and only one basket of laundry to wash and sleep as long as I want and spend as much time as I want fixing myself up and go on a date with my husband and make out like crazy and not worry about the kids walking in on us or Hunter's blood sugar dropping too low or if the stupid gutter on the side of the house is about to blow off or how I'm going to manage the next mortgage payment. And I know that is all silly wishing but I wish it all the same. And the sad thing is, even if it happened and I had a day off, I'm not sure it would be enough. But instead, only leave me wishing for another day off. And even more pathetic than the wish itself, is that we just got home from vacation and I'm dragging more than ever.

The house is a mess, the laundry needs folded, the dishes need done, preschool needs planned, singing time needs planned, Hunter wants a snack, Noah needs a nap, Denver wants to play, the bills need paid, I'm hosting playgroup tomorrow, the bathrooms need scrubbed and all I want to do is cuddle up under my covers and make it all go away. I think I wore myself out with all that supermom stuff yesterday. And maybe that's why it hardly ever happens around here. Anyway, I think I'll go get Hunter's snack and have a "good cry" and I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. . . .

posted by Shana  # 3:29 PM

Comments:
:) Been there... what do I mean... I am there some of the past few days. Thanks for being honest and so willing to share.

# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:27 AM

 

You have valiantly chosen the path of motherhood, despite its extreme demands and challenges, and the work you are doing is unsurpassed in its importance, even if you don't like it. The boys will be grown and in school before you know it and those dreams of having time to read and exercise and taking a little time for yourself will be realized. But for now...slow down a little, take care of yourself, and make one of your yummy cakes and take it to a neighbor! (Could you manage a half-hour brisk walk in the morning, all by yourself, before taking Mark to the train station?) Mom

# posted by Blogger eCarolee : 9:23 PM

 

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