Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Caleb is currently sick with the Coxsackie Virus. I hate the Coxsackie Virus. Denver had it when he was pretty little and it was not fun. It hasn't been fun with Caleb either. He's been up for two nights straight, screaming, all night long. For those of you who don't know about Coxsackie Virus, it causes children 5 years old and younger to break out in sores all over their hands, feet and mouth. The type of virus you get determines how bad you get it and where you get the sores. Denver had it the worst--hands, feet and mouth. Caleb just got them in his mouth, but obviously, that's bad enough. Because it's a virus, there is no antibiotic for it. All you can do is pump the kid full of tylenol and ibuprofen and pray for it to be over really soon. Anyway, thanks to this virus, Caleb has been permanently attatched to my hip (or Mark's) for the past several days. And that's not really a bad thing unless you are seven months pregnant with twins and have a "things to get done before the twins are born" list as long as mine. Then it starts to be a problem.
First of all, I have no waist and I'm not sure you could call what I do have even hips. I'm just one giant blob of a person at this point and carrying a baby is slightly difficult as a result. Add to that the fact that my back is killing me and toting a 21-pound dead weight everywhere I go only makes matters worse. Normally I can get away with setting Caleb down here and there but because he's feeling sick, he's gotten just a bit clingy. So. . . I've had to get really creative at washing dishes, folding laundry and making dinner with only one hand. Or worse, I just haven't done any of the above things and our house is definitely suffering as a result. And that means, so is my "to do" list.
And that's the other problem. It's not just an ordinary "to do" list. It's an enormous "to do" list. And the fact that I'm not getting to it is making me crazy. I think I'm having a panic attack. . . about the twins. . . and all the things that I think need to be done before they are born or else our whole world is going to fall apart. Except I know it's not going to fall apart, it just feels like it. So what if I don't have the scrapbooks up to date? I mean, who cares if the kids' pictures are out of order and mixed up and I can't tell who's who anymore? Life will go on, the kids will get over it--not a big deal. And so what if I don't have 100 casseroles stocked up in my freezer and a year's supply of diapers and formula stashed away? I can order groceries online and Mark likes to go to Walmart, especially alone. We'll survive. The twins don't need their own special handmade birth announcements and they won't even notice their crazy quilts aren't quite finished, at least not till their two or three. The kitchen will still function even if I don't get around to re-organizing everything. But somehow, even though I know we'll be okay, I just can't relax. I guess it's my "all or nothing" attitude, my black or white personality. Either everything is going to be perfect or I'm just not going to bother. I did it last year. I'm going to do it this year and who cares that I have an extra baby on my hip this time around? I'm going to do it. And that is what's causing my insanity. The nesting bug and this gigantic expectation I have of myself to be and have everything perfect. And probably the silliest thing of all is that somewhere deep down inside I know that no matter how prepared I am for these babies, all hell is going to break loose anyway and all my work will have been for naught. And if that's not insane, I don't know what is.
posted by Shana # 3:37 PM 
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