Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I like to think of myself as a strong person. And I think I deal with crises very well--it's always been one of my strong points. Throw me into any tragedy and I can handle it much better than any mundane, ordinary day. I've always been that way, for as long as I can remember. I'm not superwoman, but I definitely have a knack for coping with the unexpected crisis, the unusually bad day, the worse case scenario. And I suppose I've always assumed it's because I'm being punished for some terrible thing I did in my past and that it's just my lot in life, my payback, my own fault. So I don't usually get upset or bothered--I just plow forward, ever onward.
Obviously, we've been hit with our share of trials lately. Even Mark, who is usually very optimistic and faithful, has admitted to feeling seriously "tried" lately. We've both been holding onto whatever faith we have left that God has a plan for us and that ultimately, this is all going to make sense and turn out for our good. But today, as great as I am in crisis mode, I'm feeling a little more than defeated. Pooped. Wiped out. Ready to throw in the towel. Exhausted. Depressed. Picked on. Unfairly treated. Beat up. Trampled on. Frustrated. And downright angry.
Denver was up all night starting at 1:00am, throwing up. And it wasn't just once or twice--it was every half an hour until 5:30am. He managed to sleep for an hour and a half and then came running into our room at 7:00am where he announced in a terrible panick, that his tummy still hurt and proceeded to barf. Caleb was up at least twice, which Mark managed to take care of on his own. And Noah was up at his usual time (3:00am) to wake us up and tell us he had another bad dream. Of course, today I was supposed to have a Non-Stress Test for the twins and Melanie was going to babysit. So first thing I had to do was cancel the NST and tell Melanie not to come. It is also Noah's Back-to-School Night tonight and I had arranged for a babysitter, but had to cancel her as well and see if Chris would be willing to come sit in my germ infested home for an hour so Noah wouldn't be thrown into a worse case of "middle child syndrome" and start complaining that I love everyone more than him. By the time I had all of that taken care of, we had 20 minutes to get Hunter and Noah off to school--which we were late for, of course. Mark just left for Mexico and Hunter just came home from school with a belly ache. I'm hoping our plumbing problem is fixed cause I have a mountain of dishes and all sorts of barfy laundry to do and I really don't want to deal with stomach flu without flushable toilets and working bathtubs and washing machines.
And the truth of the matter is, I'm tired and humongous pregnant and I don't want to cope with all of this stuff anymore. I don't think I can possibly smile through one more lie that "everything is just peachy" when really everything is just plain poopy. I just want to go to bed and sleep for a really long time and I don't want my back to hurt so bad when I do or the kids to wake me up every five minutes. I'm ready for one of those mundane, ordinary days and a lot of them for that matter.
posted by Shana # 10:46 AM 
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