Saturday, October 07, 2006
  
A few days ago I gave you a haircut. You didn't really need it, and honestly I sort of wish I hadn't done it, but family tradition around here usually involves a haircut right around the time you turn one. And you did have some hair that was getting pretty long and I just thought I'd fancy you up a bit. But the thing is, my heart is aching really bad because you are growing up. And you are growing up really fast. And I can hardly believe that in the past twelve months you've gone from
this to  this.
And it just seems wrong that a baby should grow up so fast. I suppose you didn't stay little enough, long enough for me. And you can do so many things. And in just a few weeks you'll be a big brother. And I'm not sure it's fair, that such a small lad should be a big brother so soon. And that haircut, even if it is not a big deal, seems like a huge deal to me, like maybe I robbed you of your babyhood with those clippers and scissors. And it seems like overnight you're a big boy now. And I wish, even if it was just for a few minutes, that I could turn back time and have you little again so I could smell your sweet breath and nuzzle your warm neck and hold those precious tiny hands in mine once more.
But then, I'd miss you dumping the entire contents of my baking utensil drawer on the floor in one giant crash or yanking the bottom drawer of the loaded dishwasher onto the floor. Or the sweet way you point up at the sky everytime you hear an airplane or a firetruck or a car go by. And I'd miss the way you wake up every morning and hand me your silkie and say "this" like you don't want me to forget it and then you stand up and do a victory dance, like at last I've come to save you from the bondage of your crib. And I'd miss the way you sign "more, more, more" when you enter the kitchen looking for food--like a few Saturdays ago when it was getting to be quite late in the morning and we hadn't fed you breakfast yet. We asked, "Who wants breakfast?" And you raised your hand and signed "more more more" and then pointed to the kitchen. How many one year olds can communicate so well? And I'd miss the way you hold the phone behind your head and walk around the house chatting with "grandma" in your sweet baby babble. And I'd miss seeing all the new stunts you can do--like this. You are so brave and fearless and everything you see and do is so magical and new and exciting. And how could I live without seeing you fold your tiny arms at prayer time and then halfway through the prayer, throw them wide open the way you do when we say "ta-da" and laugh and giggle at yourself and anyone else that might be peeking at you during the prayer. And if you were little again, I would miss seeing you parade around the house dragging your silkie behind you, thumb in your mouth. And who would throw away all of our remote controls and gamecube paddles and kitchen utensils and then pull out all the garbage and chew on it?
  
So, I guess as hard as it is to see you grow up at such a fast pace and know that in just a few weeks you're going to grow even more, it's more wonderful to see you turn into the little person you were meant to become. And the truth is, no matter how fast you grow or how big you get, you will always be my little boy and I will always love you. Here's to the past year and all its wonder and to many more years just as wonderful. Happy Birthday little man!
posted by Shana # 4:36 PM 
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