Thursday, June 28, 2007

Bummer

With the kids out of school, I've been trying really hard to exercise every day. You see, I'm beginning to resemble the lovely rhino to your left. I've tried being easy on myself, I mean I did just have three kids in two years and I hardly expect myself to bounce right back into my size 10 jeans. And yes, that's a size ten, not a four or a two. You see, I have very realistic expectations. I'll never be able to squeeze one of my thighs into a size four, let alone my entire lower half. But a size 10 would be wonderful. I'd even settle for a 12. But that hasn't happened. Nope. I've eaten myself into a size 14 and then a 16 and I don't know what comes next but I'm afraid of finding out. And the saddest thing of all is that after I had the twins I actually got down to a size 12. And then I started coping with life by eating lots of junk and the rest is very, very sad history.

So back to my point, I've been trying really hard to exercise. And while I haven't completely changed my diet, I've tried cutting back. Originally I had decided that I wouldn't weigh myself until the end of the summer because when I do, it usually works against me. Either I lose five pounds and get excited and start eating too much junk again. Or, I don't lose weight (or worse, gain) which depresses me and then, I eat some more to feel better. So basically, I wasn't going to weigh myself to avoid my self-defeating behaviors. But after two weeks of hard core exercise, I couldn't resist. So I jumped on the scale just for a peek and. . . not a pound. Not a half pound. Not a quarter of a pound. Not a bit. Nothing. If anything I'm fatter. And I'm so totally bummed. And all of the sudden I'm realizing that my body has changed. And what used to work, isn't working anymore. And all of that junk food I love and adore, is going to have to go. I can't drink my full sugar soda anymore. And I can't have my bowl of ice cream right before bed. And when things get out-of-control crazy around here, I can't down a bar of chocolate and make it all better. I really do have to go on a diet. And that is another total bummer. And maybe I'd be okay being a size 16 and eating my junk food too, but I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin that it's affecting my self-esteem. And that's not good.

Darn it all. I'm so totally disappointed I want to cry or at least eat a bar of chocolate. But I can't. I just can't. Ever. Again.

posted by Shana  # 4:04 PM

Comments:
Don't rely on the scale to tell you if the exercise was working. How are your clothes fitting after these two weeks? Are they more comfortable? Looser? I try not to let the scale be my whole reference. Your shape may be changing even if your weight isn't. Hang in there. (I have also had to buy quite few new pants/capris in the next size up. One day I hope to get back in my old size but I am taking my time)

# posted by Blogger Lady : 10:58 PM

 

Drink water with a lemon slice squeezed and dropped into it (keep a bag of lemon slices in the fridge) instead of soda, and drink lots of it! Make it your drink of choice all day long and when you go out. Don't eat after 6pm and chew sugar-free gum instead. (You used to be such a gum-chewer!) And stay off the scales!! Maybe once a month, at most!!! You can tell that you are making progress and be happy and motivated.
Your ever so slim mother :)

# posted by Anonymous Carolee : 11:21 AM

 

First of all Shana, you need to cut yourself a little slack. First of all, six kids! Hello!? Second of all, twins!? Just take your time. Everything in moderation. It would be lovely to have you join us for WW...

Sara Brown

# posted by Blogger s brown : 2:11 PM

 

Is that rino wearing a g string?

Michael

# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:43 AM

 

I have to agree with Lady...don't rely on the scale. As a matter of fact, get rid of it! When people ask if I've lost/gained weight I always have to answer "I don't know, does it look that way?!"The fit of clothes always tells me how I'm doing...and I have to admit it took me a LOT longer to get back down to a desireable size after Sweetsa (Just in the past month). Don't ya love passing that 30 mark and having your body change on you again!?

# posted by Blogger B : 6:36 PM

 

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