Sunday, November 23, 2008
I was lucky enough last night to go out with a bunch of girls. Some of them were my friends. Some of them were my sisters. And a few of them were friends of my sister. It was wonderful. There's nothing like a gaggle of girlfriends sharing their frustration over things their children do and laughing about how much our kids are really all alike. It makes you feel normal. And even better, there's nothing a group of girlfriends does better than rallying each other, bolstering one another's spirits, encouraging, reminding that we are good enough and what we are doing is important and worthwhile. I mentioned that I feel bad because I don't have more one on one time with the kids. One of Melanie's friends, Denise (from Peru) looked me in the eye and said, "Don't feel bad. Don't feel bad. You are doing your best and that's all you can do. When you feel bad you quit taking care of yourself and you've gotta take care of yourself. . . for your family." Ah, the sweet advice of a friend and another mother who knows just exactly how you feel and what you're struggling through on a daily basis. We laughed and giggled through the entire night and no one needed taken to the potty or threw food at the waiter or decided halfway through the movie they didn't want to watch it anymore. Pure bliss.
 Anyway, we were going to go see Twilight because that's what you do when you've spent so much of your life obsessing over a book. But so many people told me it was bad, we decided to go and see The Boy in the Striped Pajamas instead. The movie was really well done. My heart hasn't pounded so hard in my chest for a really long time. But the movie is about the Holcaust and so obviously it was very heavy and disturbing. And as always, I struggle to fathom how a group of people can hate another group of people so much and treat them so horridly, so inhumanely, so disgustingly. I tossed and turned all night. I'm not sure how I'm going to shake the thoughts that keep pouring into my head--how babies must have been torn from their mothers' arms and killed because they couldn't work and how those mothers must have longed for the sweet smell and warm bodies of their babies again. How mothers must have died emotionally long before they were murdered, watching their young children be abused, starved to death, worked to death, frozen to death. The torture, the experiments, the suffering, the hatred. It all keeps swirling around in my head and no matter how I try to make it right, I realize I'll never succeed. It will never be made right.
 
So I'm not sure what I'm going to do to quiet the angst. Because I also feel guilty for all the days I complain about how hard my life is, how frustrating the kids are, how sick I am of cleaning toilets, how I never wanted so many babies. Because I know those Jewish people would have taken my place in a heartbeat and considered themselves lucky. And I guess that's what I need to do. Count each day as a blessing. Consider each moment a gift from God and thank Him for it. My babies are warm and safe in their beds upstairs. There's food in the pantry. I've got clothes on my back. I can have a warm shower whenever I want and I sleep in a warm, soft bed piled high with blankets. I can worship anyway I choose. The kids spend their days learning and playing, carefree and innocent. And who knows, another Holocaust could happen. They say it could anytime, anyplace. America is no exception. Any group of people could decide anytime that another group of people are getting in their way and trample them right under their feet. It's not so far-fetched. (If it did, I wonder who would come and fight for us. Or would they decide it wasn't their war to fight and call home their troops?) But at least for now, it isn't going to happen. And for now I suppose the best I can do, in honor of those men and women and children who died and suffered, is to never forget that even the little things are blessings and to never take them for granted. Those men and women stayed good even in a world that had gone crazy bad. And I must do the same--count my blessings, love despite differences, see the good in everyone, serve others daily, and always have hope and faith in mankind that the good will prevail and will always win in the end. Always.
posted by Shana # 6:13 AM 
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